this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
there is glitter all over my balls
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