well you can't waste a boner
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
