So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
