That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
