i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
