I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
