Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
