chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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