i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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