I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
