It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize