Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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