He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
