The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
