CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wear drunk well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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