I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the day after is always just damage control
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
