I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
