Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize