hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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