i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
