She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
