Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
