Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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