White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
