i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
