Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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