Pappa wants mamma naked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
