Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Randomize