throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
