Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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