i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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