My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize