I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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