he wants to bone in the snuggie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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