if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pappa wants mamma naked
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
