it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
