I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've blown a few things in my day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
