I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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