Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm just crazy horny about you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize