I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
