I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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