Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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