Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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