I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
