OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
