i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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