And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
