she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
