you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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