His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
