Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
