Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
