my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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