She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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