Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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