omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
