What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
