If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize