Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
