Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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