Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
