peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
