i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
