On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im part way to drunk.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
