are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
