My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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