An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
