I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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