don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
