Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
