im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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