yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
