Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize