Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
