chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
