I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
